Make this awkward time easier for you and your children by following these 6 tips.
When the pandemic began almost five years ago, separating couples found themselves stuck in the same home due to restrictions on rental properties, COVID bubbles etc. The difficult housing and rental market and rising interest rates have continued that stressful trend.
Here are the six best tips for parents sharing a house while separated.
1. Establish clear roles and responsibilities.
Work out who will be responsible for shopping, cooking, cleaning etc. If one of you was was responsible for the household laundry, do you continue to be responsible for the ex-spouse’s laundry? Is the children’s laundry now a shared responsibility? What about grocery shopping? Is the shopper buying groceries for themself and the children or for everyone? If one spouse walked the dog every day, will that continue while living separately in the same house? There is no a right answer to these questions, each family should find an arrangement that suits them. By making these responsibilities clear your can avoid many frustrations and growing resentment.
2. Continue to pay your bills and family expenses as you were..
Do not make any changes to your financial arrangements without discussing it with your lawyer, and don't surprise your ex spouse with an unexpected change. Leave your medical insurance, house insurance, telephone plans and Netflix subscriptions alone, for now. Do keep track of who pays how much toward major expenses such as property tax or children’s hockey lessons. Your lawyers or a divorce financial professional can help you reconcile these expenses down the road if needed.
3. Schedule some solo parenting time.
Although it may feel artificial, scheduling time for each of you to care for the children on your own, solo parenting days create some sense of autonomy and prepares your children for changes to come. A second residence may not be possible but finding ways to
absent the home for one evening every week may be doable. Take a class, go to the gym or meet up with friends. When possible, schedule your days in the office so that you take turns being the work-from-home parent. Even small breaks away from each other, can make the time you have to be together more manageable.
4. Schedule a regular parenting meeting.
Again, this change can feel unnatural but setting a weekly time to talk and plan for the kids can reduce the need for repeated messages between parents, can improve planning and builds a good habit for your eventual life in two homes.
5. Respect each other’s privacy.
You may be curious about what your ex is up to on their night out, but don’t ask about it. Respect each other's privacy. Do not check your doorbell footage, do not wander into each other’s private spaces and stop sharing your location.
6. Explain some of the changes to your children.
Eventually your children will notice you spending less time together. If they do not know about the separation a simple “we are taking turns looking after you” may be enough. If they do know about the separation, you can explain that you are slowly making changes in preparation for when you live in separate spaces.
Sharing space while separated can feel like everything has changed and nothing has changed. Being limbo is stressful, but you do not have to start from scratch. Reach out to a family mediator, a collaborative lawyer, or a neutral family professional to help you build these new habits.
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